the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
