I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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