your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
