Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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