I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
