***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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