No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
