it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
