so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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