you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
