So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
