"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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