I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
