I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
