What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
