but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All the doctor said was why
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
