just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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