You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
