yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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