There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
