she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
