i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
