Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
