I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
