Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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