Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
