Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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