Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
