wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
