there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize