He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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