i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
