I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
