Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
