my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
