i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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