I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize