It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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