I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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