okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
