Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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