dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
