this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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