just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
