Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
