I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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