So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
