Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
