Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
