i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
