I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
