piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
