I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
