Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
