i love accidental penises.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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