if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
