Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize