You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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