I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
