38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
