We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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