wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
