She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
