last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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