how can u be prego again
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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