I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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