apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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