The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize