worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
