I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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