Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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