Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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