And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
