we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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