i need an iv and a liver transplant
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
