He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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