Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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