I'm gonna have a badass scar
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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