I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
