Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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