She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
