he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
