my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
