How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize