Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
