Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
