Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
