Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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