I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
