hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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