VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
