You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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