Your dad touched me again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
