yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize