Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
