I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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