I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
