Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
