I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
