Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
