I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
