THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
