I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
