I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
