I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
