i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize