Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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