You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
