So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
